12 Mar 2005 Resident Evil: Apocalypse Review
Two movie reviews in one day? Fun Times!
Picking up where the last film left off Alice (Milla Jovovich) wakes up in Raccoon City, which happens to be overrun by zombies that are infected with the darn T-Virus™ created by Umbrella™. Meanwhile we find Jill Valentine and Carlos Olivera getting quarantined in this stinking city thank to Umbrella™. That's right, unlike the last film the producers decided to
try and follow the basic storyline of the computer game and use characters from it (in this case it's Resident Evil 3, they've even got Nemesis in the film). Later on Alice, Jill and Carlos bump into each other and are told by some Scientist in a wheelchair to go get her daughter who's trapped in the city. The gang also bump into Nemesis once or twice. Well it's more like Alice takes on Nemesis. More on that later.
I actually quite like this film. It's much better than the first film, mainly because they've included characters from the games rather than make something up. The film gets a bit action-film cheesy at times but it's forgivable. For example in the beginning Carlos jumps out of an airborne helicopter to rescue a woman from zombies but she commits suicide anyway because she got bitten by a zombie (that ungrateful harlot :P ). As great as it was seeing Jill Valentine in her blue boob tube top, there were still bits that annoyed me, namely the storyline with Alice and Nemesis.
Turns out that Alice remembers that she use to work for Umbrella™ and they experimented on her and turned her into some sort of super-soldier. Y'know enhanced strength, endurance, speed, senses, the usual stuff. They did the same to Nemesis, though he ended up looking ugly in a cool way. Anyway Umbrella™ wanted to see which of these two weapons were better so they pitched them against each other. In fact later on the film the big boss of Umbrella captures the gang and forces Alice to fight Nemesis Mortal Kombat style. The scene went something like this:
[Big Boss and Alice are facing each other with Jill, Carlos, the daughter, the scientist, and some random civilian being held captive]
Big Boss: Now I have you in my grasp Alice. I want you to find Nemesis over there Mortal Kombat Style.
Alice: What?
Big Boss: You heard me. Fight Nemesis to the death. He's standing right over there.
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S
Alice: Why should I?
Big Boss: Because that's why you were made. We here at Umbrella™ need to find out which out of you two is the best.
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S
Alice: Yeah right. You're just making us fight because you couldn't think of anything better to do with this crappy storyline. Plus you're hoping that I'll get my clothes torn off and you'll get to see nipples!
Big Boss: That's not true
Alice: Yes it is you perv!
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S.
Alice and Big Boss: SHUT UP!!
Nemesis: [cowers] ..... S.T.A.R.S?
Big Boss: Look just fight him. Overwise I'll kill one of your friends over there.
Alice: You think I care about them?
[Big Boss smiles and shoots the scientist. Daughter cries]
Alice: ... You know you could've shot that civilian over there. He's kinda annoying.
Civilian: Hey!
Alice: *sigh* Fine, I'll fight Nemesis to the death.
Big Boss: [hunches over like Mr Burns] Excellent.
[Alice and Nemesis move into fighting position. The battle theme music from the Kirk/Lizard guy fight scene from Star Trek kicks in]
And that's exactly how the scene played out. In my mind. Anyway I feel that they should have dropped the whole Alice storyline completely and concentrated on Jill and Carlos. Y'know make the story more like the game. That would have made this not bad film better.
Hell you might as well go see this film. It's not the best film ever made, but it's a good alternative if there's nothing else to rent from the video store.
GRAX RATING: 3/5
Posted at: 21:10 PM
RAZII JINX said on Wednesday 16th of March 2005 at 06:14:33 PM
omg, lamo. That's great. I think I'll go see the movie just so I can make fun of it. XD
SARAH said on Sunday 20th of March 2005 at 05:08:36 AM
Lol, =P Great review.. I may just have to watch the movie now. Rockon.