Comments
7 May 2008 The thing about sleeping around...
![[Rant]](http://www.graxdomain.co.uk/images/site/Rant01.jpg)
... Is that it can be much more damaging than people realise, not just to an individual but for every single person in the world.
I'm sure many people remember a time in their lives when they were new to the relationship scene. They heard about this thing called love, this sweet union between two souls, and thought to themselves "I want in on that". But then they end up sleeping with the wrong person, hoping that this is The One™. When they open up to this person and say the 'L' word they get rejected. This can be for whatever excuse they feel like saying at the time. Perhaps they were just looking for sex, none of this lovey-dovey crap. After the first knock down you pick yourself up, learn whatever lessons you may learn and try again, hoping that the next one will be better. The next one is bound to be The One™.
But with each rejection, each mistakes, each "sleeping with the wrong one"; it chips away at ones self-esteem and expectations. Soon one starts to think "Actually no one is looking for love. No one will ever love me for who I am; they just want to fuck me". So they give up the quest for love and indulge in the act of sleeping around. After all everyone else is doing it, you might as well go with the flow. It has its advantages and disadvantages. And with a somewhat jaded opinion on human relationships you continue being content with having sex with different partners. Why? Because sex is fun, and having fun is awesome.
Then you sleep with someone who doesn't just want sex. They want something lasting, they want a relationship, they want love. But when they open themselves up to you after the act of shagging they get rejected by you because you don't believe that they are being serious. No one does this thing called love. And so this genuine person loses a bit of herself and starts to join the orgy of the masses that no longer believes in love. Thus the vicious circle continues.
Bringing someone down like that is a nasty thing to do because it hurts them, no matter how much they hide it. Also it makes it harder for them to find true love because they get the impression that everyone of that gender is a bastard (this applies to both men and women). Keeping people from this form of happiness is a cruel thing to do.
But the problem is bigger than that. Soon this shagging mentality spreads with each person that gets rejected, like a virus. No love and true happiness, only indulgence. Humanity becomes darker and less fulfilled in life and the world becomes a more depressing place to live in.
Not exactly a good mindset to be in, is it?
Posted at: 23:50 PM
Your Thoughts
Secretia said on Friday 9th of May 2008 at 08:16:26 PM
i am not that person...i have more self esteem than that...i have had three long term relationships...and that's it...
but what i have learned is this:
- no-one else is like you
- no-one feels things in the same way you do so you need to account for this (i'm someone who falls head over heels every two minutes, but i know i'm like this and i can now rationalise it)
- hollywood isn't real life, it's a fantasy just like all the other bedtime stories of princes and princesses
- relationships really are soemthing to be worked at
- think carefully about where you pick up your partner...do you want a person off their face in a club really? is there somewhere else you can meet people? where they're being their true self?
i'm not trying to preach or point, just offering a little bit of advice
thinking of you
secxx
*hopefully :-)
Suzie said on Saturday 10th of May 2008 at 09:08:22 AM
I don't know if you really mean sleeping around coz there's a difference between sleeping around and sleeping with people thinking its going to lead somewhere and then it not doing.
If two consenting adults are sleeping together as friends and they both get the situation, thats cool. But there is no relationship, and usually, people don't know its going on. Its private and self gratifying! If thats what ya want, fine.
I don't think all of this means that you have no self esteem. Just because you only have long term relationships, doesn't mean you have plenty of self esteem. If you have, this in itself could just be the result of the long term relationships. However, I agree that if what Grax is talking about happens to much, it can def hinder your self esteem.
I don't think there's an easy answer to this because like secretia said, everyones individual and see's things differently, I guess the key is waiting to find that someone who see's things similarly to you.
If the answer is withold the sex, there are people who will take that as disinterest. so you can't win!