Comments
2 Oct 2006 What we need is Captain Planet
![[Rant]](http://www.graxdomain.co.uk/images/site/Rant01.jpg)
Planet Earth is in a pretty sorry state right about now. Rising global temperatures, mass deforestation and extinction, melting ice caps, pollution. The list goes on. And the situation is getting worse. Clearly something needs to be done. Sure we can try things like increase awareness, pass laws, or even pay attention to what we're actually throwing away. But I believe we need something more potent, more meaningful, more Xtreme™ to get us to change our ways.
What we need is Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
Think about it. Captain Planet was kicking pollution in the nuts in the 90's, defeating villains like Duke Nukem, Dr Blight, Hoggish Greedly, and the likes every week. And no wonder, look at his powers! Flight, super-strength, the ability to blow hurricane force winds, telepathy, telekinesis, can change shape, transmute matter, and virtually any other super-power required by the circumstances currently facing him. He has the powers of a God! And some might say he's cheating. But he's fighting on the planet's side so it's alright. If he was around nowadays he would sort out all of Earth's pollution problems. And he would always end it with a moral story about looking after the planet through the power that is television (aka brainwashing), like he's done in the past. Even like Popeye has done in the past.
However before you start looking up the lyrics to the Captain Planet theme song we need to take stock. Let's examine Captain Planet in more detail:
What we have here is the look of Captain Planet, which is loosely designed around the DC character Captain Atom. Now to me there's one glaringly obvious flaw with Captain Planet that needs to be addressed.His mullet!!
Come on, the mullet was SO 1990. No one's going to take him seriously. The insults thrown at him would be far more deadly than any form of pollution (Captain Planet's kryponite). So a hair-cut is in order. And if we redesign his hair we may as well redesign all of him. Update him, to be part of the noughties, not the nineties.
He needs something new, fresh, Xtreme™, Anime™, and any other corporate made-up buzz words you can think of.
Captain Planet needs an update Planeteers, will you heed the call?
Posted at: 18:08 PM
Your Thoughts
harlandos said on Thursday 5th of October 2006 at 12:28:58 PM
FIRE!!! WIND!!! EARTH!!! SOMETHING!!!
Bring him back! loved the theme, sometimes sing it to myself before bed.
mwah
ELYSE said on Monday 9th of October 2006 at 01:30:09 AM
First twinkies, and now this! Must I inform you of EVERYTHING, Grax?
You can't cut the mullet. That business up front and party in the back is what gives him his god-like powers. If you cut it, it would be much like cutting the hair of Samson. He'd just be your average blue guy walking around in red panties.
And did you notice who did the voices for the Captain Planet cartoons? Holy cow, that's a lot of people I know. Even the Cartman's mother from South Park got in on the action. Sheesh!
Martin said on Wednesday 18th of October 2006 at 09:51:17 PM
Hey, man! Solid Snake has a mullet. Are you trying to say that Snake's some kind of a pussy as well?!
Mullets are the sign of a true badd-ass. You've gotta be someone with tremendous testicular fortitude to sport that haircut. You see someone with a mullet, you know they can take you down. Planet, Snake, Kenobi, Skywalker when he decided to stop being a whiney little bitch and just kill everybody. A man with a mullet is a man who means business.
GRAX said on Thursday 19th of October 2006 at 12:51:59 AM
Ah, but Solid Snake is a special case because he also has a manly 5 o'clock shadow on his face, which makes anything bad-ass.
Even women.
And if you run down the other names you mentioned, namely Kenobi and Skywalker, they too had facial hair at some point in their lives too. Where's the rugged features on Captain Planet huh??? That face looks like it's never worked a day in his life!
radicalman said on Thursday 17th of May 2007 at 07:20:25 PM
caiptain planet is my hero Nicole said on Monday 17th of September 2007 at 03:23:56 PM
I was just looking up things about Captain Planet, hence how I got to your site.
You forgot HEART!
You need HEART too!
The mullet is the best. You can't cut it.
But maybe we could <i>add</i> that 5 o'clock shadow on his face, make him a bit more rugged.
jewoftruthiness said on Wednesday 20th of February 2008 at 07:55:09 AM
Captain Planet is the best super hero/god ever and how could you want to change that? As you said the man could do what ever he needed to do. Now there is no doubt in my mind that at least 80% of his power came from that puke green mullet so if you cut it off he would only be as amazing as say The Green Lantern and we all know that he was supposed to be gay so you would not do that to Captain Planet jewoftruthiness said on Wednesday 20th of February 2008 at 07:59:05 AM
oh and if you looked up global warming a bit more you might learn that we humans are only speeding up a process that is bound to happen. the ocean releases huge amounts of CO2. just accept it that we are on a repetative cycle. Hope you like the cold, like the freezing cold cause thats where we are going. i know i am gonna be eating some whooly mammoth at that point.