The Grax Domain

24 Aug 2005 My master plan, or lack of

It's been a while since I've done a good rant. In fact this could article could be argued that it is not a proper rant, because it is too personal. I'm still going to talk about it anyway. Maybe I should introduce a new section called "Whining". Hopefully you'll get something good out of it.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut. Despite having a job that pays money it's barely enough. I'm having trouble leading a comfortable lifestyle. Especially with all the sudden costs that pop up, like getting the car fixed. And the thing is I don't know what I am going to do next.

I was talking to my friend about this subject. Actually he brought it up himself. Mainly because he hates his job with a passion (being a sort of web developer for a government funded company) and is desperately trying to find a career for himself. Or more like he want to work with computer generated models, but the only main way of doing that is to get into computer games, which is something he'd rather not do. The point is he feels that I need an overall goal in life, a plan that will last for 5-10 year. One question that comes up often is "What are you going to do next?" The thing is I don't know.

And it's starting to get to me. I'm going to a job that has lost its appeal. I don't know what happened. Maybe the atmosphere of the place is less jolly than I initially thought, maybe there's hardly any challenging work to do, maybe I'm sick and tired of doing "PowerPoint style" flash animations for clients. I feel like I want to break away and do something new. But I can't do that surely? I not been there for two months yet, I lasted much longer in my old job in terms of enjoyment. I wouldn't mind a holiday abroad, I've not done that in years. Trouble is I only got one place on my mind that I would like to visit, and the tickets cost about £700 return! Damn those sexy people living abroad. ^_^;;

But I digress.

For a time I was happy just coasting through life doing, what I considered, simple tasks that I can do to get me by with a dash of challenges. I always thought about now and in a few months, rather than thinking about where I see myself in a few years. But right now it's not enough. The only basic goal I have in life is:

• Make stuff, mostly from scratch. Whether it's physical (like a model) or virtual (web page)
• Make things that I wanna make.

And... and...

Ah hell, it's taken me three evenings to write this shit out. I kinda lost momentum on the point I was trying to make. It was something along the lines of "Find a better job, find more jobs, do another animation, earn more money, have sex, etc etc" but the moment is gone now. It all ruined! Don't look at me!!!

9 Aug 2005 "... No doubt you'll be wanting to make a decent time of tea..."

I've now completed the "How to make a cup of tea" flash animation, as how I originally intended it to be... More or less. There's a new scene at the end of the animation and there is now background music.

I am both ecstatic and disgusted with its completion. I'm really happy than now it is all done to a satisfactory level and that I can now leave it alone. I really hate the way I had to show-horn in the extra scenes into the animation due to poor its poor structure. Oh, and lip-synching is quite a bitch until you get the hang of it. Overall kudos to me! ^_^

You can see the flash by clicking the link below:
How to make a cup of tea. FINAL

I've also submitted the flash into Newgrounds for a public rating. Please feel free to rate the animation by clicking the direct link below (you may have to wait a short while before it gets fully accepted by Newgrounds):

How to make a cup of tea on Newgrounds

3 Aug 2005 Just when I got out

Hello, my name is Grax...

It had been about 2 years and 6 months since I played a MMORPG game, that game being Star Wars Galaxies. I was a human Master Artisan heading towards being a Master Droid Engineer. Grax Jacpor was my name. It has consumed my life during the 5 months that I played it during my final year at university, grinding away hour upon hour to slowly reach my goal. It had affected my social life and it probably would have cost me my degree. Fortunately I grew bored with the endless grinding and limited gameplay and stopped playing it. Over time I pretty much stop playing games altogether, short of mini flash games on the internet, occupying my time with other activities. I also tried playing Planetside, but that did not last as long. For a time, life was good. But a few days ago something happened.

When I went to the comic convention I picked up a 14 day trial disk of City of Heroes, but I didn't do anything with it until now. I installed it, spend a short while creating my character, making sure that every pixel of my 3d avatar was my version of perfection. Coming up with a character concept was simple. It would have been crap for me to do some cheap knock off of an existing character (like so many people have done in the game), or to think of a whole new character with an in depth character background. The only man to get the job done;

I created myself, in all its toned glory.



Once jacked in I felt my around the virtual city of the game, which strangely felt like I was playing Grand Theft Auto, albeit has a hulking mutant in a city of superheroes. I slowly began to remember the feeling of running to and from the same place, repeating the same task of beating the bad guy over and over again, using the same button combination over and over again, all in the name of slowly getting enough experience to get the next skill that will make me just that little bit better. I know its yet another grinding game, I know it will all be a waste of time with nothing to show for in the end.

And right now I don't care.

It's already starting to take over my free time. Whatever free moment I get I'm on in the City, like an alcoholic screaming "I'll tell you when I've had enough!" I'm not working on pet projects that should be done, I'm starting to 'forget' to talking to my friends online (you know who you are and I'm sorry). I even said today "I'll just go on for an hour, just to get to the next level, it won't take long". Before I knew it the evening had done. An entire evening in which I could have been saving all the stray kittens in the world, gone. I have another 9 days until I'll have to start paying for the privilege to play. Damn right I'm going to make the most of the free trial period.

Oh, if anyone happens to be on the European server Union and you happen to spot Grax, stop him and tell him "Get back to work, ya lazy bum".